Mother's Day=Stroller HELL

For some reason rich Manhattanites who decide to procreate think that NYC restaurants have more space than their apartments, so they don't realize it annoys the SHITE out of me when they all bring their strollers in, especially when it's magnified by 100 on Mother's Day!

ME: Miss, would you be kind enough to fold up your stroller, so I can check it?
MISS: Uh, I guess.

Yeah, like I have priority valet parking in our tiny coat check room with the other 10 strollers other parents decide to bring in.

Also, why do parents think it's ok to park a stroller in the middle of the dining room? Do they think the heavy traffic flow of bus boys, runners, and waiters with sharp knives and hot plates won't cause any serious injury??

Annoying comment of the day,"Oh, this restaurant is so stroller friendly."

Big eye roll from my maitre'd when he heard that one. Just because you see other moron parents bring strollers in and park them at the tables DOES NOT mean we are stroller friendly!

Gassy customers

There is a regular that comes in all the time. I personally think he's slightly sleazy, but whatever, he's loaded. He's also in his 70's.

My co-hostess wouldn't stand behind him because she heard and could smell his fart...twice during the night. Our hostess stand is close to the bar.

Why couldn't he be a silent killer?

Do you seriously don't know what a banquette is?

Tonight my maitre'd told me to give a four top two choices of tables:

ME: Miss, I can either sit you right here or upstairs.
WOMAN: Well, what's the difference?
ME: Well, upstairs is a table, but as you can see here this is a nice big banquette.
WOMAN: What's a banquette? (as she looks at the booth)

Is she for real?

Mother's Day...

I've agreed to do a double this Sunday: brunch and dinner. Black Sunday (i.e. Mother's Day) is coming up...what jerks will I be dealing with?

FUCK!

Customers Taking Forever On How to Sit Down Are Like Dogs Running Around in Circles Before Peeing

I'm a girl, but sorry, ladies, women are way pickier about men about food and where they sit. Also, they are so passive aggressive about it. A majority of a time if I lead a party to a table, and the woman doesn't like it...she just stares, pauses, and annoyingly asks every single person in the party, "Are you ok with this?" That is my queue to quickly place the menus down and run.

I've also observed with various parties, why the hell is it rocket science for you to figure out seating placement at a table..I'm talking about parties of 4 or more. I have stood there for what seems like at an eternity at a round booth, and the party is asking,"Where do you want to sit?" six million times to each other. Seriously, I compare it to a dog going around in circles on a patch of grass before he pisses.

STINKY CUSTOMERS!

I never had to check something so rank and foul as I did recently. A woman and her friend came to eat dinner, and she gave me her...I guess...shawl, but it looked like a big blanket. Even before that, I noticed that she SMELLED FOUL while walking to her table. Even a waiter commented that she stunk as she passed by him.

It was definitely her shawl, and she even had me hung it up as it left a trail of absolute putrid trailing behind me. EL GROSSNESS! I hung it up in the downstairs coat check which wasn't being used, and my manager said it stunk up the whole area. EW, the smell soaked into my hand I ran into the bathroom. It reeked of a combination of horse piss, farm barn, and NYC homeless subway people (sorry, but that' what it smelled like).

Later she apologized about the smell and said she just brought it from Africa. Who cares where it came from? LAUNDER IT!!!

Be sure the Bathroom Door is Locked!

Come on people. When you use one of those single person bathrooms...be sure the door is properly locked.

I walked in on a woman plopped on the toilet, butt sticking out. Only thing I got out of it is that she has no issues sitting her bare ass on a public toilet. Ew.