Coat Check Tip of the Day: If you're going to dump someone and leave immediately, don't check your coat...

I wasn't here for this, but I overheard the other hostesses saying that a couple came in the night before and they were fighting so loudly that the customers at adjoining tables were embarassed and were looking away. Keep in mind in NYC, tables are really close together.

Besides the fact it's highly tacky. UES Restaraunt is a nice place I think, and the behaviour is totally uncalled for. Maybe they were both too good looking for their own good.

The version I got is that they were fighting loudly, and the man left the woman at the table and was about to split. BUT it was so busy that it took forever to get his coat that the woman caught up with him, grabbed him and screeched, "Don't you dare do that to me again!!!"

Ah, folks, more dear readers, I will go into this much more, but alas, ANOTHER REASON to not check your coatbesides the potential for theft, gratuitous pawing from coat envy by your favorite coat check girl (i.e. me) and various sanitation issues.

xoxo

Russian Mafia Party---or so I nickamed them

We had a large party reservation of around 17 people on a busy Saturday night. They sat there way longer than they should have which messed up reservations for the night and backlogged a lot of people, but I suppose that's why large, large parties aren't booked that often. They sit there forever.

This party however was LOADED. LOADED!! They were Russian, and I nicknamed them the Russian mafia. We could've been at Russian Samovar instead. Going back to my coat envy, a 10 year old boy had a Burberry scarf. I checked some woman's Dolce & Gabanna coat, and the man sitting at the head table checked a Gucci, gray coat and Fendi scarf. Just like with Tommy Hilfiger clothing, he was totally BRANDED. This table was full of coat label whores. The Gucci/Fendi guy tipped me $20 for the whole table's coats.

I heard that their bill came up to $1,500 and that they ordered little alcohol. My reaction was, "HUH?!?"

"Are you the Smith Party?" --- please be honest....

Many times during a very busy night, I have to go search for a party at the bar paticuarly when practially everyone is waiting for their reservation to come up and people have been waiting overtime.

Do you really think you're being SO ORIGINAL when I ask, "Are you the Smith party?" and when you're not but you reply,"No, but we can be, oh ha ha ha!!" Do you think I haven't heard that every fucking night before from some schmuck who also thought it was original?

One time at another restaurant, some ass did say yes to be the party I asked for and followed me to the front when I then found out he lied thinking it would get him seated more quickly.

TIP: don't screw with me or any other hostess with that crap. Just like a waiter, I can spit in your food or drink too if you piss me off!

1/31: Coat Check Beef of the Day

I find it highly selfish and annoying when I have like...8 heavy coats in my hand for a large party, and when I arrive to the group, I ask please start taking from the top, but people automatically lunge for their own coat even if it's in the middle or bottom of the pile!

FIRST OFF...this makes it especially difficult for your coat check person to keep a hold of all the coats and SECOND it is totally SELFISH to not hold on to your friend's or dinner guests coats. I get so many,"I don't recognize that. That's not mine..OH that's mine."

When your co-restaurant staff annoy you and are inconsiderate of your time!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong. I've been on friendly terms with other hostesses, coffee boys, waiters, etc. As with any work environment, there are some people who annoy the shit out of you.

For instance, one hostess, lets' call her Bianca one time I called to ask if I was scheduled that weekend. She said she'd ask the manager and call me back in 30 minutes. 1.5 hours go by no call. I had to call again when the manager was there and Bianca was like, "Oh, the manager is here, you can ask her." What happened to 30 minutes later?!?!

Second time Bianca calls me to ask if I can fill in last minute for an evening shift. I told her I can't get there till 7 PM cause I don't leave work till 6 PM, and I'm in street clothes, won't have a chance to go back home to change, but I'm happy to work. She said she'd call me back. Two hours go by no call...I called her again, "You need me or not?" She's like,"Oh, I don't think so, but the manager hasn't gotten back to me yet, I'll call you back in 10 min." No call!

First off, little girl, it's damn inconsiderate because I need to know what I'm doing after I leave work. Second, it's an extra avenue of money, and I'd like to know if it's happening even if you don't use me.

I swear the world is full of flakes! If you're going to do weed everyday, at least keep sober during work hours!

UES Restaurant's Management: Rather NIce! :-)

I must say that at UES Restaurant, the managers are the nicest I've worked with. Well, nice being they don't degrade me with nasty comments or look at me like I'm a piece of meat to drool over. The general manager just wants you to do your job, he helps out with seating customers, running food, dealing with crisis...the other two managers are the same. At least the GM knows how to use Facebook...gee, he's innovative. I don't think he knows I'm looking over his shoulder when he's on the computer cause I'm nosey.


One restaurant manager I worked with years ago at a major event space in the Bowery, he was a condecending ass (no, being French didn't have anything to do with it) besides the fact he was indicted before for embezzling $10,000 from a restaurant he worked with. Oh yeah, and he was sleeping with our phone receptionist....I'm digressing...Frenchie refused to learn how to use e-mail or the Internet. I discussed this with a friend who worked under him...he's horrible to work with but to know him and to go into one of his restaurants, he will treat you generously. He now works at one of those private restaurant clubs on the Upper East Side (though they let anyone in), and he comped us for our drinks and dessert and ordered the bartender to keep refilling my champagne...no charge and wouldn't take my tip.

Anyways, back to the present at UES Restaurant, no complaints really except perhaps the manager who also assigns customer seating on the floor gets snippy when we get slammed, but I really can't blame her.


Oh yeah, and I almost said "fuck you" to a busboy who yelled at me for getting in his way...please, how about I trip you with those ruby red Kate Spade ballet flats I bought?

Dress Code_I Hate Wearing All Black

Petty I know, but I wish I could wear something to show off my exuberant personality. I abhor wearing all black because I have this issue that it drowns me out, and I like to be unique to not confirm and be like the Borg collective. I also hardly own any black.

I mean, why do I want to look like I'm going to a funeral every time I work?

But as the hostess, I must wear all black though I keep asking the other hostesses about dress code, and they say they've gotten away with wearing various other colors. The general manager when he hired each of us separately also gave different directions: hair up, dress nicely all black not necssary, no make up, some make up, all black only...DUDE!!! Make up your mind!!!

I plan to jazz up my outfits a little with a touch of color here and there whether it be a shiny red ribbon in the hair or my snake skin ballet flats. I'll get to show I have some spunk!

Coat Envy

I'll have plenty to write about coat check later, but at UES Restaurant I have to also coat check as well. Yes, I do racially stereotype how you might tip me out based on the brand name coat you have, but there's never a 100% corrolation.

I must say though, the coats on women I notice the most just at first glance are the Burberry ones...not the coats with that annoying checkered plaid on there that screams "I'M A LABEL WHORE!" but the ones that are beautifully structured and tailored with some unique design or silhouette to them. I must admit I'm drooling as I carry coats like that back to the coat check room.

One gorgeous coat my co-hostess and I gushed at was a beautiful black fur with black leather buckles as the buttons. OMG, if I were into S&M I'd use that fur coat in all my sessions it was so fierce...(gay lingo from my fag hag days).

Probably the most impressive couple so far is a gentlemen that came in with his girlfriend. He wore a suede Louis Vuitton jacket, and she had a Christian Dior puffer. They tipped me $10 for fetching their coats. Proportionally that is excellent...and that already tells me he has $$.

With certain brands though, I'm neutral on. Ralph Lauren, Max Mara...those could easily be purchased at a T.J. Maxx sale. It's the Searles, Louis Vuittons, Burberrys that catch me.

Why is it the men are clueless when I ask them the brand name of their coat when I need a description to check it??

Annoying Sexual Comment from Male Customer

For the sake of ease, I'm going to refer to where I work as UES Restaurant (UES = Upper East Side).

Last Saturday around 5:30 PM, I was standing at the hostess station, and it wasn't busy at all since the dinner crowd had not arrived. I'm also close to the bar, and I'm standing next to two gentlemen having a drink, and they are discussing the Circuit City close out sale. One of the men commented how it was all bullshit and how it wasn't really I good deal.

After having read an article on not to be fooled by close out sales, I chimed in and said, "Yes, they jack up the prices intentionally to overcharge you, and you should wait for later when they actually bring it down."

Jerk says, "What? You telling me you have to sleep with them?"

Where the fuck did that comment come from I'm thinking in my head? If I weren't working, I would've stabbed the ass with a fork!

An Introduction....

I actually have a full-time job but choose to work part-time hostessing for various reasons: the economy, my credit card bill went a little crazy over that Betsey Johnson coat and Kate Spade ballet flats I wanted, the fact that I've been neurotic about money since being laid off from my first job after college. That was awhile ago, my dears.

I had grown up in a restaurant back home somewhere down South, but the NYC restaurant scene is totally different. For one, my parents made $10,000/month at the restaurant in its hey day, but at one notable B.R. Guest Restaurant on a Saturday night, $10,000 was what they made. The crowds in NYC are trendier, some people obviously act like they're entitled, but after all the different types I've interacted with no class=NO CLASS no matter who you are, and there is no difference between red necks acting ridiculously demanding versus rich snobs who own a brownstone on W. 83rd and Central Park West.

I did hostess and waitress part-time to supplement another full-time job when I was 24. I started out at an Internet company and I was living in the W. 80's b/w Columbus and Central Park West. Rent was high, and I needed supplemental income to stay in this trendy area though absolutely crappy studio. At first I thought it was refreshing to work around artists, musicians, actors in addition to the white collar types I dealt with at the Internet company I was at. But I was laid off, got a low paying job at a major museum full-time. However, working seven days a week was taking its toll just to make rent for a coffin of a studio in a cut up brown stone that cost me $1,350/month, so I moved to an area of Manhattan where my current place is big and at the time I paid $800/month. I love the ghetto.

It's 8 years later, and I never thought I'd do it again (work 7 days/week), but expenses always add up, and I'm not the type who wants to rely on the credit card. Though I make a decent salary at my full-time job, I find money to always fall short somehow (and I do budget, save, and have the 401K, IRA, etc), Plus I'm saving for classes that I want to take for career development.

I recently started a hostessing gig at a well-known restaurant on the Upper East Side, and coming back to this has reminded me of the colorful stories I end up telling friends about some wacky or rude customer, a hellish Saturday night where we're slammed, and the interesting restaurant staff I deal with. I just feel I should write it down. I'm also a big foodie, so it's somewhat torturous looking at all that good food I can't eat. Sniff! Unlike other places I worked, this restaurant does not give a comp meal at the end of the night to the hostesses. It's like being condemned in hell with a glass of water dangling in front of you that you can never have.