Restaurant Regulars-everyone has a story

At UES Restaurant, it has this homey feel to it, so there are quite a few neighberhood regulars. One thing I notice about them is that they have money. They have enough disposable income to come in several times a week just to have dinner at the bar. UES Restaurant isn't cheap. The regulars tend to be a older. Our one bartender, I'll call him Zack....is great with the regulars. He knows them, they know him.

It's amazing with the way the economy is these days I observe the regulars eating at our restaurant quite often. To be honest, I think they are a little lonely, so the familiar setting is great, food is awesome, Zack is a great bartender, and people at the bar section tend to be chatty and social. And hey, they have the money, so why not.

One woman...let me call her Jane...I see her every time I work my shifts. She's very nice, orders a full entree, wine, appetizers...her bill must amount to $30-$50 each time. I must ask what she does. Another woman, let me call her Elba....huge chain smoker, skinny as a bone...I know she's divorced...probably in her 50's....definitely has the $ to spend every week.

Another gentleman who creeps me out though, let's call him John....he's friendly with the restaurant bartender, manager, etc....waiters even say hi to him. he's probably in his 70's. One night he was eyeing me the whole time and offered me a ride home...I'm like..."No, thank you!" Again, another person with a ton of money to throw down. I mean, in a recession, what tends to go first is eating out. My co-hostess told me she knows John and he frequests another restaurant she used to work with and that he takes waitresses and hostesses out quite a bit and pays. However, he won't reject any advancements if you get friendly with him...know what I mean.

The world is a lonely place, and I observe it in one of NYC's busiest restaurants.

Don't Gyp the Coat Check Tip, Jerk(s)!

I'm tired from a weekend of hostessing and keep in mind a majority of my money right now is coming from coat check tips. BTW, if you can't tip at least $1/coat or item, then DO NOT BOTHER CHECKING YOUR COAT! BRING YOUR COAT TO THE TABLE AND SIT YOUR ASS ON TOP OF IT!!! I DON"T CARE IF YOU HAVE NO ROOM!

$1/coat!!! NOT...$2 for 7 heavy coats that I have to lug over to you! How come the larger the party, the guests tend to forget to tip $1/coat!!

You have the same obligation to tip coat check as you do 15%-20% for a waiter!

BTW, at my restaurant, with entrees starting at $30 and go up from there, if you can afford to eat there, then you can afford to tip at least $1/coat!

I swear next time I'm trying all the high end designer ones I've been seeing just to secretly know I'm doing the equivalent of spitting into a customer's food!

Make a reservation, Stoopid!!

How come customers don't understand that unless you make a reservation, you will not necessarily be guaranteed a table or the best table in the house. Hello?!?!?

Also, just because a restaurant is dead empty at the start of dinner doesn't mean you can bitch and complain, "There are so many empty tables!! I don't get why we can't get a better table!!" Since you did not make a reservation, all those other tables are going to people who did!

A couple came in wanting to sit down, so the maitre'd had him sit at one of the bar tables....no the most ideal place to sit, but he'll be served. The man in the couple came back and asked what was the wait time for a table in the dining room.

Maitre'd: I can give you a table in the dining room, sir, but I'd have to give you an out time.
Customer: What? You going to tell us to get up and leave??

Maitre'd was definitely annoyed by that comment.

Make a reservation, STOOPID!

...And another customer bites the dust

I did mention before the kitchen staff bets into a pot each night and whoever guesses most accurately what time a customer falls down the steps connecting the two dining rooms, winner gets all.

I'm walking down the steps and up the steps comes a gentleman in a suit...he trips on the step and falls. He quickly gets back up, but I wouldn't exactly call it a moment of grace for him.

I and a waiter who witnessed it run up to the sous chef.

Sous chef (looking at me looking at him): "What? What is it?"
Waiter: "Hey, someone fell! How much was the pot?"
Me: "Yeah, someone fell! YAY!"

We're sickos.

Valentine's Day Purgatory

As my manager said,"What I thought would be a smooth night is so not happening." She even said to us,"Ok, everyone, smile, cause we're in serious trouble right now!"

Oy! To start, on of my co-hostesses came down with a bad bug during shift, so she was stuck in the bathroom for about 30 minutes then finally had to go home, which left more work for me and one other hostess especially with coat checking and seating people on a cold night. The main issue on Saturday night was that fricking couples were not getting up...get up dammit we need your tables!

Can you believe we got a huge hit around 9-10 PM because tables were so back logged? My manager had to comp one couple's bar drinks because of the wait. People were not getting up. Our maitre'd kept asking all us,"Tell me who is on dessert and on check!" and hounded waiters to get their tables to hurry TF up!!

So the night dragged, and dragged, and dragged. On top of that we ran out of certain dishes on a pricey prix-fixe dinner. Oy again! Then I heard something about the computers breaking down and not being able to print checks.

Around 9:30 PM a feeling of utter exhaustion came over me. I was in a serious dead zone running around trying to find a table that was getting up soon, to fetching coats. On the fashion side, the women were definitely decked out to impress their men. Notable coats included a Nanette Lepore and a Gucci. One customers saw me with a pile of coats, and he's like,"Like those coats huh?" I was like,"Yes, and I try them on when you're not looking." Oh ha ha ha...the irony...

I came away with $130 in coat check tips, which I suppose made the purgatory/hell night worth it. Unfortunately, I drank a vodka/mixer and red wine at the end of shift (we were all miserable) and got really sick.

Valentine's Day Is Coming....

...and I'm scared. How many couples are going to fight with the maitre'd to get the prized corner booths? BTW, it's a prix fixe per person, and it's kinda expensive in my opinion, but if people feel like they have to impress their significant other in this crappy economy, more power to them. I just want their coat check tips.

I'm going to say my hail Marys and sprinkle holy water on myself and pray that I will come out unscathed.

Women Customers Tend to Be More Annoying Than the Men...

I've noticed that it's mostly the females who have issues with where they sit in a restaurant. In a group of around five people, I sat the party down in this semi-circle banquette, and the woman in the group starts out by saying, "Oh..." Then asking each person,"Are you ok with this?" After everyone says yes, I could tell she was trying to garner sympathy to move tables. Accept the fact you're the only annoying person at the table, lady. Just I was going to make my high school track sprinting skills useful, she wants to move. UGH! It's a Saturday night, and my maitre'd is giving me the evil eye for being slow already. Passive aggressive customers are just as annoying as passive aggressive people!

In another instance, one Sunday, all I can say is this particular woman was WACKO, and I felt sorry for the waiter who had to deal with her. Let's call the waiter Jimmy. Let's call this woman Tammy Faye Baker. She is the first of her party of four to arrive, and when I seat her at a table she automatically wants a booth and says that table will be too cold since it's near the window. The table I brought her too is a common concern with a lot of customers, so I'm like...fine. I move her upstairs. BTW, I take her coat, and it's a GENNY...excellent Italian designer. I'm already sizing her up by her coat as I do with many customers. This lady has $$.
High maintenance + $ = DRAMA QUEEN LABEL WHORE

Now the wanting to move tables wasn't so bad if it weren't for the fact she told her waiter Jimmy that upstairs was too bright and to dim the lights. Wack! The place has nice ambient lighting what is she talking about?!?! I also found out later that she told one of her guests the incorrect street of the parking garage which I dictated to her as she recited it over the phone to him. Of course the man comes in blaming ME for saying the wrong directions when it was HER saying them incorrectly.

Final straw she's a psycho....she sent back two different glasses of wine Jimmy gave her. What is wrong with you!??! Jimmy commented that at the rate she was going, he was going to be there all night.

Please don't ever come back.

Customers, We Do Mock at Your Pain and Embarassment!

So at UES Restaurant, there are a set of stairs connecting one dining room to the second dining room. The kitchen is an open kitchen, so cooks can see out easily into the dining room and at the customers coming down the stairs.

I was walking behind a couple with their coats while the other hostess was in front leading them to their table. Right as she says,"Watch your step," at the stairs, the man slips a few steps, loses his balance, luckily he didn't fall down on his ass, but it still wasn't slick either.

I find out later that the whole kitchen puts money into a pot everyday. Money goes to the one who guesses correctly when a customer is going to fall down the stairs. I asked the sous chef if I could join in on the pot (girl needs money yo!), and he said, "No, you hostesses are the ones that make it happen. Don't tell them to watch their step!"

Gotcha!

The Key to the Free Food...reinforcement of a previous post

I just realized that the waiters really have no real power in sneaking me free food. Come on, give me that left over appetizer, entree that was accidently ordered, or just give me something. I need to buddy up more to one of the line cooks cause I really want to try some of the yummy meat dishes. Kiss ass to the spine of the front of house staff...the runners, busboys, and bar backs.

Tonight, one of the bar backs gave me a glass of sweet champagne...it was an extra order that no one drank. Uh, hell yes thank you!!!! I put it in a regular drinking glass, so instead it looked like juice. Hee, hee....

Ma'am!? How Dare You!?!?

Either people are pretentious, insecure, or are way too age conscious. I call a lot of women "ma'am" especially at the restaurant, but I was floored the other night to find two tables in the same night making some negative comment on being called ma'am.

A four top came in, and I carried their bar drinks over to the table when seating them. I said to the one of two ladies,"Here's your drink, ma'am." Then she said,"Ma'am? Whoa..." and the gentleman in her party said,"Yeah, that's intense." I'm thinking wtf is wrong with you people. So I said,"Miss??" And she said,"That's better." Unbelievable!! First off this woman looked in her late 30's early 40's...I myself look around mid-20's. Second, her server said she was obnoxious the whole time.

At another four top, I said to the woman,"Here is your menu, ma'am." The gentleman at the table said to me,"Does she look like a ma'am to you?" I'm like, deja fricking vu...what is up with people. This time I refused to say "miss" to give the ass the satisfaction unless he directly told me to say "miss." In addition, this woman was definitely in her 50's.

I told my manager about the first woman who got mad about being called ma'am, and he said,"When she leaves, I'll say 'Have a nice night, MA'AM!'"

What do people want me to say..."Yo, you!"

When kitchen staff and bus boys sneak you free food...

If you ever work in a restaurant, make good with the busboys and be nice to the kitchen staff. They watch your back, but in addition, they'll slip you some freebies. Don't you love it when an additional order of lamb shank is no longer needed....well, it has to go to someone!

Tonight, one of the pastry cooks asked me in his Mexican accent,"Want some chocolate?" I'm like, "HELL YEAH!" I got a full size serving of pineapple poundcake with chocolate saunce and vanilla ice cream. Of course I had to figure out how I was going to gulp it down out of sight of my manager, but I scarfed that thing down in two seconds.

I also love it when they staff sneak me and my co-hostess warm bread the restaurant makes that's dipped in this delicious hummus.

Heaven....